August 5, 2021
How do you create a loving relationship with your partner? There are no manuals on how to love, you have to dive in and find out for yourself. No matter how many books you read, the best way to explore love is through self-discovery. It is a consistent process of trial and error, patience, and understanding. If you’ve ever been in love, then you know what I mean. That is why identifying your love language is crucial to any successful romance.
Think for a moment back to a time when you fell in love with someone, how sweet and warm it felt. When in love, you feel like you have wings. You are in perfect harmony with your significant other. But what happens when the lines of communication begin to get blurred? What happens when you stop speaking the same love language? And how can you learn to reconnect that energy when lost?
Ready to fight for love and discover what your love language is? Then, let’s get busy!
The science of love languages is not as elusive of a study as it may sound. Each of us has a unique style in which we communicate. Communication styles can vary from person to person. Are you introverted? Are you an extrovert that thrives in group settings? What feelings erupt when you think about delivering a speech? Whichever your style, you learn to adapt to better communicate and understand others.
The same applies to your love language. Here’s a secret.
The first step is identifying your own love language before you attempt to try and identify your mate’s. This begins with deep self-reflection and strengthening your emotional intelligence.
Your love language is comprised of habits collected over time from others. Our first teachers in love are our parents usually. Our second teacher in love is our first love. From there, the rest is history.
Unveiling your love language gives clarity to how you like being valued. Revealing your mate’s love language gives clarity to how they enjoy being appreciated. So, before we go any further, ask yourself this.
What is my current relationship status?
How would I describe a successful relationship?
What are my biggest desires and relationship goals?
Once you answer these questions, you’re ready to move forward.
What are Love Languages?
Officially coined by American author and Psychologist, Dr. Gary Chapman, in his 1992 book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. In this New York Times best-seller, Dr. Chapman introduces 5 principles that describe what makes an individual happy in love, defining this as their love language.
According to Dr. Chapman, there are 5 base love languages. Each love language is a unique signature to your romantic communication style. More specifically, what makes you feel most appreciated in your romantic relationships.
Step One to identifying your love language and understanding how to maximize your romantic exchanges is by understanding that your love language is just that. YOUR love language.
Step Two, identify what your partner’s (or partners’) love language is. Their style may differ from yours.
Now, let’s take a look at the 5 Love Languages as suggested by Dr. Gary Chapman.
- Acts of Services
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
These love languages are not limited to just one. You can own a blend of languages but display a dominant style. You can also have a love language that is not listed above. With some self-discovery, you may unveil a new love language not already identified!
The 5 Love Languages
Acts of Services – does it mean more to you when your partner helps out with the chores and getting things done for the household? Do you prefer to express your love by doing? Actions speak louder than words for this love language.
Receiving Gifts – do you love to be showered with thoughtful gifts? Not to be confused with being materialistic. This love language requires intense observation because it’s not just about the item or its price, it’s about the amount of consideration given.
Quality Time – are you most happy snuggling up with your boo and doing a Netflix-and-chill type of night? This type of lover enjoys just spending QT. No distractions, just the two of you doing the things you love. Date nights spent together doing just about anything is the perfect option for this style of love language.
Words of Affirmation – If loving verbal exchanges make your heart melt, this may be your love language. Feeling loved and supported in this love style starts with communication. Speaking matters out and reminding your mate how much they mean to you, goes very far. I mean, who doesn’t like hearing, “I love you” every now and then.
Physical Touch – Outside of just getting frisky, which yes, sex can absolutely be a love language, this love style focuses more on loving embraces. Public PDA is not off the list usually for these lovers. Holding hands or just a gentle touch on the shoulder acts as great reminders of just how much their partner really cares.
Together let’s reveal what your love language may be. Take a look at the above 5 love language styles. Remember, you can have more than one love language. Later on, we will discover your love language by taking a quiz.
If you’d like to learn more about love languages, check out Dr. Chapman’s book here .
For a head start, here is the link to the 5 Love Languages website!
Why Should I Give Two Shits About Which is My Love Language?
Understanding your love language expands past just understanding yourself. It is a steep dive into self-awareness that bridges you and your partner’s connection to a spiritual level. Your relationship will not become perfect because you learned that your partner prefers tender touches versus hearing “I love you”.
Successful relationships are bred from clear communication, being honest, and expressing your needs. But also, accepting the needs of your partner and being open to compromise. This does not mean exceeding boundaries, rather it represents the shift from “selfish” love to a “self-less” one.
You and your partner can immediately begin seeing eye-to-eye and increase the harmony within your relationship by identifying and honoring what your primary love languages are.
Learning your love language helps you to not only develop stronger romantic relationships, but also a stronger one with yourself. Your Higher Self, that is.
Knowing your love style, helps you to identify how you appreciate being nurtured, loved, and treated. It helps you to invite more of what you want into your relationships, and less of what you do not what appearing.
Who better to teach you how to love, understand and appreciate yourself than your own Self? Identifying your love language increases your confidence to express your needs within your relationship. This prevents feeling under-appreciated and having your needs overlooked.
Believe it or not, learning your love language is shadow work. How we manage our relationships is often how we’ve seen our parents or guardians behave within their relationships. Often people will either mirror closely or become a complete opposite expression of how they saw love expressed as a child.
Our childhood traumas, when unresolved, rest at the center of our heart chakra. The gateway to the heart chakra is through connecting to your inner child. The heart chakra rules how well we manage all of our relationships, but especially your long-term romances and soul mate bonds. Bridging the gap to begin opening one’s heart chakra begins with understanding your love language styles.
Now it’s time for the fun part, let’s discover what your love language is!
Discover Your Love Language!
I know that you are just itching to know what your personal love language is, and the time is finally near. This test does not take long and is great to do with your partner, of course. It takes no longer than 15 minutes for each of you to complete.
Want to know your love language? Take the quiz!
Love Language Quiz 
How did it go?? Learned a lot about yourself, I bet. Still, need some guidance? If so, Drop Me a Line to arrange a complimentary consultation. During our time, we’ll focus on a single concern of yours and find solutions to create more harmony in your life.
Learning your love language is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to successful relationship management. The key to creating a joyous union between you and your partner is Communication, Compromise, and Commitment.
How these principles fit into your relationship is how it works for you. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to love, the chemistry that you and your partner share is unique and should be honored in that way.
Celebrate your love, it’s the sweetest thing in life. And as Rumi would say, remember to…
Close your eyes. Fall in love. Stay there.
— Rumi
Created with love, naturally. 
